Be Careful of What You Ask For.. How Much Is Too Much?

Be Careful of What You Ask For.. How Much Is Too Much?


Ok, so I demanded my husband fully disclose everything about his sexual addiction.

This was THE most hurtful part of all I had been through regarding his addiction.

According to him, the actual encounters stopped just prior to our wedding. I did not believe this especially since he admit that the phone calls and masturbation during these chat line calls.

Anyway, I’m not sure if he was just angry about my pressuring him and was trying to be hurtful or if he just decided to tell me all the graphic details. I guess it was a little of both.

Most of this information I knew already, what I didn’t know was of course, was the very hurtful details.  When I say graphic, I am talking about EVERY detail.

I was not ready for this and it was devastating beyond what I can put into words.

I read later that this should be done as a couple with a counselor at  a certain timeframe during his recovery.


One thought on “Be Careful of What You Ask For.. How Much Is Too Much?

  1. Ouch. And yikes. And a big hug.
    I don’t know if you or anyone would ever be ready for graphic details. I wouldn’t be. And I don’t think they help anything at all anyway. Really, we only need to know what we need to know. Details are unnecessarily cruel and harmful. Especially the sexually explicit ones.
    I did receive my husband’s disclosure two months into our recovery in our counsellors office. Not only that, but he had written out his disclosure earlier with our counsellor’s guidance to ensure the content provided only the information I needed to know. I was told that I could ask any questions if I wanted or needed more, but it may be harmful to my healing to have those kind of details and pictures running through my mind. I asked a few questions. But not many. And I am glad. For instance, he told me that he masturbated daily to porn. Because he had previously masturbated in bed beside me while he thought I was sleeping, and subsequently I had asked him not to masturbate while me or the kids were in the house, I asked him this because I felt it was important to know if he had betrayed this boundary. He had. But I didn’t ask anymore about it. The when, where, how many times was irrelevant. The details don’t matter. Just that he did it.
    I have a friend who no longer goes to her favorite donut shop because she knows her husband went there with another woman. It is painful enough for her to find out about an affair, but what good does it do her to know where they met? Now she can’t even eat an apple fritter. The details took that every day pleasure away from her too.
    It doesn’t sound like you asked for the details, and I am sorry you received things you never should have had to hear. I pray our words will make someone carefully consider what needs to be shared and what doesn’t in a disclosure.


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