One of The Hardest Things…

One of The Hardest Things…

Living With a Sex Addict Will Test Your Emotional Stability

 

So..I have been sharing some of the insight I have gained the hard way.  

Honestly, I would love to say that I was one of the ¨strong ones¨ that admirably have endured living with a spouse or significant other with sexual addiction.  

I admire these women as I regrettably have not been so strong.

 In fact, there were times in which I actually doubted my sanity, so did my children.

Although I am a psychiatric nurse, I could not keep it together.  Surprisingly,   I must admit, there were times when even I knew I was not acting rationally.

Some examples:

My out of control episode involving trespassing:

When we were engaged, I tracked Rowan with an app on my phone (we both had this app.)  

One night his location appeared to be about a mile from his house.  I drove out there, actually trespassed in the yard of the location I guessed was the one on the app. I also saw a truck that (in the dark) was the same color as his.  

In my delusional, paranoid thinking, I parked my car just behind their house and walked in the dark toward it.  I guess I was hoping to see ¨more evidence¨.

 In a moment of psychotic thinking, I went up to the fence in the back of the house. This house was in a rural area and it was very dark outside.  I fell into a ditch but that certainly stop me as I had an agenda.  

The dogs started barking so I ran back to my car.  I frantically tried to back up to get out of there FAST.  I realized my car was half way in a deep ditch and I couldn’t back out.  I was completely stuck.

 I started walking, barely able to see, down a gravel road.  The first vehicle I saw, I desperately tried to flagged down;  I must have looked like something out of a scary movie.

 To my dismay, these men were the owners of the house!  Not surprisingly, they were questioning me in an interrogative manner.

 I instantly fabricated a story and must have been convincing because they finally offered to help me; but only after calling the police department to run a check on my license plate. I felt so uncomfortable, scared, embarrassed

I knew I was acting in a  completely out of control manner. It did not even cross my paranoid mind that these apps are not always accurate, this house was near large towers in an electrical site making them a target that trips up the location of these cheap tracking apps. 

Understandably, I was terrified my son would notice the mud on his car and that It was pulled out of a ditch, possibly now has evidence showing dents.

You see, in my panicked frenzy, when I thought he was at this location, I quickly snuck away in my son´s car since mine had a flat tire.  My son was sleeping since it was late at night.

more examples of my insanity on a later post….

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “One of The Hardest Things…

  1. I think we have all done things completely out of character. And that in itself is unnerving when we begin to not recognize ourselves. And usually not like this new crazy person very much. There is no judgment. Until someone walks in our shoes, they have no idea what the effects of sex addiction will do to your mind and soul. It is called sexual betrayal trauma afterall, with many partners diagnosed or suffering with PTSD symptoms. It is a real thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow… I forgot to mention that! I told my son just the other day that I have finally come to the realization that I think I have PTSD….I don’t know what else to call it. I’m still not totally rational! Seriously though, I have not even come close to coming to terms with this. Thanks for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

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