From Porn to Prostitutes

From Porn to Prostitutes

The Downward Spiral of Sexual Addiction

Statistics

 I always wanted to know the ¨real truth¨
concerning the probability of sex addicts ability to recover.  How? Likelihood? Signs of Relapse? Signs of Recovery?

  • 1 out of 3 men self-report that they are addicted to pornography.
  •  A vast majority of sex addicts will rarely be single and often have a history of cheating within their relationships.
  • The average male sexual addict has 32 sexual partners.
  • The number of sexual partners, on average, for a female sexual addict: 22.
  • If the 5% “curative” rate of sexual addiction is factual, then it becomes easy to see why 95% of people seek treatment end up falling out of recovery.
  •  When this addiction comes out, it can cause a lot of hurt, pain, and shame. Partners feel like they aren’t good enough. Addicts feel like they should do better.

The chances of a spontaneous remission of sexual addiction occurring: 1 in 100,000.

Dynamics that are commonly seen in men who show up for sex addiction treatment where paying for sex is one of the sex addicts´ compulsive behaviors.

As with sex addicts in general, men who visit prostitutes most often have other sexually addictive behaviors.  These can include compulsive porn use, cybersex, strip clubs, and sometimes offending behaviors like exhibitionism and others.  Going to prostitutes is thus part of a pattern of sexually addictive acting out behaviors.

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One of The Hardest Things…

One of The Hardest Things…

Living With a Sex Addict Will Test Your Emotional Stability

 

So..I have been sharing some of the insight I have gained the hard way.  

Honestly, I would love to say that I was one of the ¨strong ones¨ that admirably have endured living with a spouse or significant other with sexual addiction.  

I admire these women as I regrettably have not been so strong.

 In fact, there were times in which I actually doubted my sanity, so did my children.

Although I am a psychiatric nurse, I could not keep it together.  Surprisingly,   I must admit, there were times when even I knew I was not acting rationally.

Some examples:

My out of control episode involving trespassing:

When we were engaged, I tracked Rowan with an app on my phone (we both had this app.)  

One night his location appeared to be about a mile from his house.  I drove out there, actually trespassed in the yard of the location I guessed was the one on the app. I also saw a truck that (in the dark) was the same color as his.  

In my delusional, paranoid thinking, I parked my car just behind their house and walked in the dark toward it.  I guess I was hoping to see ¨more evidence¨.

 In a moment of psychotic thinking, I went up to the fence in the back of the house. This house was in a rural area and it was very dark outside.  I fell into a ditch but that certainly stop me as I had an agenda.  

The dogs started barking so I ran back to my car.  I frantically tried to back up to get out of there FAST.  I realized my car was half way in a deep ditch and I couldn’t back out.  I was completely stuck.

 I started walking, barely able to see, down a gravel road.  The first vehicle I saw, I desperately tried to flagged down;  I must have looked like something out of a scary movie.

 To my dismay, these men were the owners of the house!  Not surprisingly, they were questioning me in an interrogative manner.

 I instantly fabricated a story and must have been convincing because they finally offered to help me; but only after calling the police department to run a check on my license plate. I felt so uncomfortable, scared, embarrassed

I knew I was acting in a  completely out of control manner. It did not even cross my paranoid mind that these apps are not always accurate, this house was near large towers in an electrical site making them a target that trips up the location of these cheap tracking apps. 

Understandably, I was terrified my son would notice the mud on his car and that It was pulled out of a ditch, possibly now has evidence showing dents.

You see, in my panicked frenzy, when I thought he was at this location, I quickly snuck away in my son´s car since mine had a flat tire.  My son was sleeping since it was late at night.

more examples of my insanity on a later post….

 

 

 

Be Careful of What You Ask For.. How Much Is Too Much?

Be Careful of What You Ask For.. How Much Is Too Much?

Disclosure

Ok, so I demanded my husband fully disclose everything about his sexual addiction.

This was THE most hurtful part of all I had been through regarding his addiction.

According to him, the actual encounters stopped just prior to our wedding. I did not believe this especially since he admit that the phone calls and masturbation during these chat line calls.

Anyway, I’m not sure if he was just angry about my pressuring him and was trying to be hurtful or if he just decided to tell me all the graphic details. I guess it was a little of both.

Most of this information I knew already, what I didn’t know was of course, was the very hurtful details.  When I say graphic, I am talking about EVERY detail.

I was not ready for this and it was devastating beyond what I can put into words.

I read later that this should be done as a couple with a counselor at  a certain timeframe during his recovery.

 

Who Recognizes This? …”but you should trust me”!

Who Recognizes This? …”but you should trust me”!

One of the many flat, unfeeling, rehearsed egotistical  sayings my husband used to abuse so regularly was “you should trust me, I AM in recovery”! What made this extra frustrating was the fact that it was not said to me…it was YELLED at me. Not just yelled but SCREAMED at the top of his lungs as loud as his deep booming voice was capable of.. Not only that, he did this while so close to my face that I could feel the fine mist of his spit landing disgustingly on my face. Also, this was his response to a simple question asked in a quiet, non confrontational voice and questions like this were seldom and not at all inappropriate. I would try to fleetingly tell myself that the only reason I could ever imagine someone becoming THAT angry would have to be if the were innocent and wrongfully accused of something.  I learned later that he would put on these childish displays of theatrics even when guilty as hell.

  • Projection
  • Blame
  • Victim
The First Thing I Learned

The First Thing I Learned

As mentioned before; I am starting this blog for all women  suffering or have already endured living with a sex addict. All of us have been hurt and likely have resentment, mistrust, anger, doubt, and fear.  I have been through so much and like you, have learned a lot.  The first and most valuable lesson I can remember learning was “trust your instincts.”   I would appreciate your input…what was the first or most important thing you learned as a result of living with a sex addict?